Livet, Om at være mor, Rejse

19. uge i Bordeaux

Sidste weekend tilbragte vi i dejligt selskab af min svoger og hans kæreste. Selvom vejret ikke var det bedste hele tiden, viste vi endnu engang de fleste af vores yndlingssteder i byen frem. Det inkluderer bl.a. sørøverlegepladsen, vandpytten og søndagsmarkedet ved Garonne floden (hvilket man formodentlig vil vide, hvis man har fulgt lidt med her på bloggen).

Søndag eftermiddag besøgte vi dog for første gang Hangar Darwin, som tilsyneladende er et hipt sted at hænge ud i weekenden. De store haller, der tidligere var gamle militær barakker, bliver nu brugt til at sætte fokus på miljøet og en grønnere verden. Over 130 selvstændige og mindre virksomheder, med alt lige fra advokater til en cykelsmed, der istandsætter brugte cykler, holder til her i hverdagen. Mens vi var der, var der mest gang i en kæmpestor indendørs skatepark bygget i genbrugsmaterialer, hvor alle tilsyneladende var velkomne. Storesøster var derfor lidt skuffet over, at vi ikke havde medbragt hverken løbehjul, skateboard eller løbecykel, så hun også kunne være med. Ud over skateparken var der en café og et stort loppemarked og alle vægge i hele området var (mere eller mindre) kunstfærdigt udsmykket med graffiti.

Mandag kort efter frokost sagde vi farvel til min svoger og hans kæreste og nu går der lidt over tre uger, før vi får besøg igen.

De seneste dage har været lidt hårde at komme igennem. Lillesøster har ikke sovet så godt (det går sådan lidt “to skridt frem og ét tilbage” med det der søvn, og denne uge er hun gået et stort skridt baglænds) og storesøster lagde sig syg med over 40 i feber i torsdags. Heldigvis var det en éndags sygdom og fredag var hun næsten helt frisk igen. Men jeg kan ikke udelukkende skyde skylden på pigerne.

For første gang mens vi har været hernede, ønskede jeg inderligt en morgen, at det var mig der skulle på arbejde og min mand, der skulle blive hjemme med pigerne. Og det gør altså lidt ondt på samvittigheden. Det var ikke engang arbejdet, der var det mest tiltrækkende, det var dét, at han IKKE skulle være sammen med pigerne…

Jeg ved godt, at det er helt naturligt og at de fleste, der har gået hjemme på barsel sikkert kender den følelse. Og taget i betragtning, at jeg (ud over en løbetur i ny og næ) har været inden for synsafstand, eller i hvert fald høreafstand af begge pigerne alle døgnets 24 timer de sidste 4½ måneder (7 måneder med lillesøster), så er det nok meget sundt at få lyst til at komme lidt væk.

Men selvom jeg godt kan retfærdiggøre følelsen over for mig selv, så er det stadigvæk hårdt. Hårdt at acceptere, at jeg har det sådan og hårdt, at den næste 1½ måned er min eneste mulighed for at være uden pigerne, når det lykkes at komme ud på en løbetur. Og nej, jeg har det ikke “slemt” nok til, at vi finder en barnepige. Måske er jeg for sippet og måske ville det være sundt, men jeg kan simpelthen ikke få mig selv til at overlade storesøster til én, hun ikke kan tale med. Heller ikke den, ellers virkelig søde studerende, vi deler have med og som gør rent hos os hver uge.

Heldigvis har jeg langt det meste af tiden overskud til at være præcis den mor, jeg gerne vil være. Jeg har uendelig meget kærlighed til begge pigerne og en efterhånden velafbalanceret mængde tålmodighed, nej’er og tant og fjas til storesøster (lillesøster kræver bestemt også tålmodighed og kan så småt forstå nogle former for tant og fjas, men nej’er og generel opdragelse reagerer hun ikke meget på endnu).

Efter weekenden har jeg forhåbentlig fået sovet nok (jeg gik f.eks. i seng 19.30 i går og derfor blev indlægget her en dag forsinket) til at mit sædvanlige overskud vender tilbage. Og vejrudsigten lover legepladsvejr så langt den rækker. Vejret er faktisk så skønt i øjeblikket, at vi stadig har røde tomater i haven og at vi både onsdag og torsdag spiste aftensmad på terrassen. Og er der noget, der kan give plusser på overskudskontoen, så er det da udsigten til en november!!! dag med 20 grader og blå himmel, som man kan tilbringe udendørs på sørøverlegepladsen med sine to dejlige piger.

71 thoughts on “19. uge i Bordeaux

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