— Livet, Rejse, Videnskab —

Skal, skal ikke – hvad kommer jeg ikke til at fortryde?

april 28, 2017

Jeg tror de fleste af os kan nikke genkendende til følelsen når flybilletterne er bestilt. Det er den der boblende fornemmelse i maven af at ferien er blevet sådan rigtig virkelig. Nu kan man for alvor begynde at glæde sig.

Vi gjorde det i går. Købte og betalte flybilletterne til Sydfrankrig, nærmere bestemt Bordeaux, med afgang midt i juni. Men denne gang er forventningens glæde skarpt forfulgt af en anden følelse. En lidt nervøs eller måske urolig boblen i maven.

Det skyldes ikke, at vi denne gang skal rejse med J på to år og lille L, som på afrejsetidspunktet kun er lidt over to måneder (selvom det at rejse med to små børn, dog kræver en grundig planlægning og helt sikkert medfører en del uforudsete situationer undervejs). Næh, det skyldes, at vi ikke har købt nogle returbilletter.

Endnu… For vi skal retur! Men først efter 6 måneder.

Hvad man ikke gør for kærligheden

Min mand er ved at lave sin ph.d. og i den forbindelse vil han gerne studere på et udenlandsk universitet i et halvt års tid. Det har aldrig rigtig været til diskussion, selvom jeg må indrømme, at jeg var meget skeptisk i starten. Men det har altid været et meget stort ønske for min mand, så jeg slugte al min skepsis og bekymringer og vi begyndte så småt at planlægge det hele for et års tid siden. Og planen var simpel:

Jeg skulle blive gravid, min mand skulle begynde på sin ph.d. og skaffe midlerne til opholdet og så skulle vi af sted mens jeg var på barsel. Alting var stadig langt ude i fremtiden og det var forholdsvis nemt at holde bekymringerne på afstand.

Men nu er det snart. Nu er flybilletterne bestilt og nu trænger bekymringerne sig på.

Mest omhandler de vores ældste datter J på næsten 2 år. Hvordan vil hun klare, at hendes trygge hverdag, vuggestue og hjem bliver taget fra hende? Og mig? Hvordan skal jeg klare at være hjemmegående med to små blebørn uden venner og familie lige om hjørnet, der kan træde til med en hjælpende hånd? Summer man alle bekymringerne op, dukker der et altafgørende spørgsmål op:

Kommer vi til at fortryde?

Videnskab skal der til

Det er jo svært at forudsige, men jeg er ikke så glad for det uforudsigelige. Så i håb om at blive mere afklaret og finde nogle svar, tyr jeg til videnskab og forskning.  Og der er faktisk forsket en hel del i begrebet fortrydelse.

Jeg har en uddannelse i molekylær biomedicin og bedst til gener og molekyler og den slags, så at læse videnskabelige artikler om følelser og begreber er bestemt ikke min stærke side. Det blev også hurtigt lidt langhåret med en masse forskellige teorier og begreber, der ikke gjorde mig så meget klogere. Men så faldt jeg over et simpelt studie tilbage fra midten af 90’erne, som fortalte mig lige præcis det, jeg havde brug for at vide. Så hvor uvidenskabeligt det end måtte være, ser jeg bort fra alt andet og holder fast i studiet hvor de to forskere Tom Gilovich og Vicki Medvec kigget nærmere på hvad man fortryder mest; de ting man har gjort (handlinger) eller de ting man ikke har gjort (ikke-handlinger).

I deres studie fandt de frem til, at når man tænker tilbage på den seneste uge, er det forholdsvis ligeligt fordelt om man fortryder handlinger eller ikke-handlinger. Således fortrød 53 % af de adspurgte primært ting de havde gjort og 47 % fortrød primært ting de ikke havde gjort. Men når man kigger tilbage over hele sit liv, er resultatet noget anderledes. I det omtalte studie var det hele 84 % der primært fortrød ikke-handlinger. Alt det der kunne være sket, alt det man kunne have oplevet, men som man aldrig fik gjort.

Så med det i baghovedet, er jeg sikkert på, at det er den rigtige beslutning. Vi skal til Sydfrankrig og bo i et halvt år. Vi skal nyde solen, drikke lækker fransk rødvin (eller min mand skal, for jeg ammer jo…), spise baguettes og crepes i massevis, vi skal lære fransk (tilsammen kan min mand og jeg måske 50 franske ord), og vi skal have en oplevelse for livet.

En oplevelse vi helt sikkert IKKE kommer til at fortryde.

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